Gay Hearts

Understand Stonewall to heal the SHAME

2005-09-01T01:56:00.000-07:00

Judy Garland, pictured above, was uniquely beloved by gays in the 1960's. Her death was certainly a factor in the events that sparked the Stonewall Riots. As gays, if SHAME is part of your consciousness, it could help to understand what happened in New York City at that time.

This is my "history lesson" and it is valid from my point of view. I present it because I believe it helps us all to know about it.

In gay bars in the 1960’s, it was the typical custom of the local police to raid gay bars — to enter and ask all patrons for identification. This was done ostensibly to make sure there were no under-age drinkers, but the effect was to make life miserable for the patrons of gay bars. The police have been accused of systematically shaking down and extorting these patrons as much as they could.

When these raids occurred, usually, there would be a considerable number of vulnerable patrons in gay bars who were in conventional marriages or who held jobs where the revelation that they were gay might mean instant dismissal or disgrace. To avoid this divorce, dismissal or disgrace, these patrons would quickly pay outrageous fines that were assessed for such crimes as “disorderly conduct”. If the patron were not in jeopardy of losing his career or family, he might be able to hire an attorney and have the charges dismissed (since there was really no basis for the charge of “disorderly conduct” simply because a person happened to be a patron of a bar… even a GAY bar! But the most vulnerable patrons usually had the money to pay the fines and that became a source of revenue for many police departments around the country.

The bar personnel knew that these raids were capricious and unfair but there was nothing they could do about the practice until the historic event that took place on the last Sunday of June, 1969. On that fateful and historic day, Judy Garland died and large numbers of gay men who adored her headed for their favorite gay bar to find some solace with their fellows.

Judy Garland In Wizard of Oz

Judy Garland with Liza

That night, it wasn’t unusual when police officers conducted one of their routine raids at the Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street near Sheridan Square in New York City.

But what was unusual was that gay people were feeling a common bond at the bar and the raid was the spark that galvanized the Gay Community to come together. There were so many patrons in the bar that evening that the squadron of police officers was heavily outnumbered. As the police called for reinforcements, the gay patrons “called” for reinforcements, too. Since the Stonewall Inn was right in the heart of New York’s Greenwich Village, there was a tremendous population center of gay people within a few blocks. Thus, the patrons who realized that there was a riot beginning began to summon their friends and neighbors to descend on the bar in droves. Drag queens were comfortable in the company of the leather men and the students and lesbians along with stereotypes and non-stereotypes which simply didn’t matter on that occasion.

A rare photo of Stonewall Riots

We were all recognizing that we were a new-found family! Well, not ALL of us!*

By the time the police reinforcements arrived, they too, were overwhelmed by the growing crowd of angry gays and lesbians who had come to witness the activities and quickly became involved. The police had become trapped, barricaded inside the trashed Stonewall Inn and the victorious crowd of gays outside the bar began chanting the first choruses of Gay Power which were to become the battle-cries for future generations of gay people. The incident on that night continued with massive rallies for three days and the consciousness of Gay Power and Gay Pride became a part of the collective consciousness of gay people everywhere.

*Two paragraphs back, I have an asterisk hanging out there. And this is the time when I must confess that my own personal reaction to Stonewall in June, 1979, was NOT to embrace my fellow gays and lesbians! No, I saw the televised news accounts at my parents’ home in the conservative suburbs of St. Louis. Frankly, I was HORRIFIED to see the drag queens and other stereotypes being brought into our peaceful homes in the Midwest portrayed as rioters and unruly demonstrators.

In those days, I saw gay life as consisting of two types of people: flamboyant queens and schizophrenics! The latter was comprised of gay people who could “pass” for being conventional and who could hold down responsible jobs and blend into society without any discomfort (to others). Forget about the discomfort that I might feel to struggle to PRETEND that I am heterosexual, but my focus was on the discomfort that might be felt by OTHERS who might work with me or involve themselves in my life in one way or another.

This is where I can pinpoint a life of hiding and shame which I was living in the summer of 1969. Because I knew that I was gay, I realized that I had to keep my gayness a deep, dark secret to avoid losing society’s benefits (job security, promotions, marriage, children, social acceptance, etc.) which I felt were only bestowed upon the people who lived, dressed and behaved in conventional ways. This is the behavior pattern of a person who lives with shame and low self-esteem. My hand would be raised… I confess to knowing this pattern in my own life! The pattern was expressed in my life (particularly in the 1960’s and 1970’s) as treating every gay or lesbian person as if he or she were a second-class citizen — including myself! I often lied and mistreated my gay friends (who reflected back to me the most “shameful” part of my own character). There was no need for integrity as long as I catered to the non-gays as if they meant more to me than I meant to myself.

What was the consciousness before Stonewall? Considering the way those vulnerable bar patrons had previously paid extortion-fines to avoid being exposed in their lives, it is easy to see how the consciousness of Pride and self-esteem for gay people would gradually turn things around for urban gay and lesbian people in this country and throughout the western world. The lesson we have learned (and must continue to learn) is that as long as we have a critical mass of proud gay and lesbian people in our world, we cannot be denied our place in this world and our guarantees of equal protection under the laws. And further, with self-esteem, we can be worthy and honorable citizens of the world.

There are countless young people, today, who have no idea what the Stonewall Rebellion was and they can’t appreciate its significance. That is why we need to tell the younger generation about it and tell our parents and our extended families about it and stand up and say, “I’m GAY AND PROUD” (and say it LOUD)!

In addition, there are vulnerable gay people from other cultures, particularly in the Third World, where gayness has been regarded as an unacceptable state of being. These people are pressured to get married to opposite-sex partners or to face severe repercussions in their cultures. It is easy for me to recognize the shame they feel about their gayness and it is compelling to see them looking to us in the Western World and they are drawn to the Light of our pride and self-acceptance. They, too, can benefit from knowing about the history and development of pride in our Community. Maybe they can’t embrace it yet in their own countries and this can also be true in the USA in the Midwest and the South and in small towns and even in some big cities depending on the cultural background of the family.

The point is that this history must be explained to everyone in all cultures so that we can continue to grow and to function fully in society. The first step is to accept ourselves as worthy. We must never let a narrow-minded person judge us or shame us. Knowing what we know now, we can never again be shamed out of our PRIDE!

2005-05-19T12:40:00.000-07:00

Alan (left) looks on as Bill Rosendahl thanks his supporters.

Gay Immigration to the US

2005-05-05T12:44:00.000-07:00

A friend recently wrote to me that he has a job as a supervisor. I responded by telling him I'm glad that he has a good career position as a supervisor. Having a stable career is always helpful when someone applies for a visa to come visit the USA. The US Embassy needs to be convinced that he will return to his country after his "visit". I've been working with others who wanted to come and visit and they had a much harder time because their work was not as high as a supervisor. They had jobs which required supervision from others. That is why the US doesn't want to welcome such people as visitors. It's unfortunate but true.

I've had many frustrations with friends who have tried to come here. A few of my friends have actually gotten here but of the 6 of my friends who made it here,

1) A friend from Uruguay went to New York but never came to Los Angeles, so I don't know how he did.
2) A friend from Poland came to Los Angeles and eventually got his citizenship (as pictured here).
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3) A friend from Indonesia got married (we helped to find him an appropriate wife) and is in the process of applying for his green card ... he lives with a boyfriend in San Diego.
4) A friend from Ukraine came here for a visit, went back, came again and had to restore his status by crossing out and back into the US but he got caught and his visa was cancelled and he ended up being deported. I don't think he will ever come back.
5) A friend from Latvia came here and attended school but had to drop out because he couldn't work and he couldn't support himself and he had to go back to his country. He was not prepared to live on his own in a big US city like Los Angeles.
6) And a friend from Australia came here but had problems with marriage (we tried to find him a lesbian wife but she tried to extort money from him) and trouble keeping jobs until he got taken in by a loner-type man who seems to have his situation under control but this benefactor keeps him on a short leash and none his friends is permitted to have any communication with him, so we really don't know. The results are 2 successes, 2 failures and 2 unknown results. But I've also had many foreign visitors who have come here just for a visit and they have enjoyed their stay and have returned home to their respective countries without problems.

My interest is to work with gay men who are experiencing some sort of persecution at home because they cannot be all they want to be in their own country or culture if they are gay. Some of these friends came here to find better lives (economically) but not necessarily to escape anti-gay persecution in their own countries. I have no intention to devote my energy to improving a gay man's economic outlook because I need to devote that energy to MY OWN economic outlook! I really prefer to invest my time and interest in guys who are really suffering simply because they are gay. Right now, I am working and brain-storming to help guys in Iran, Armenia, Uzbekistan, Ecuador, Singapore and a few other countries. I don't think it is fair that people have to suffer from persecution just because they are gay and they have the misfortune to have been born and raised within the borders of a country which has limiting laws and narrow-minded people.

If you have any suggestions to that might assist these guys in getting to the USA, please tell me. Thanks.

The girl I didn't marry and the girl I did marry

2005-04-26T13:41:00.000-07:00

I recently spoke to the girl (E) who loved me when I was in the process of coming out and accepting my gayness. Once I realized that I was absolutely and certainly gay, I told her and I ultimately felt that it was right to end our relationship even though we were having good sex with each other and she was willing to accept me as I was. I really loved her but I was also fairly certain that I would never be able to be 100% sexually exclusive with her.

Jump-cut to seven years later after intensive psychotherapy (4 times per week for 7 years without a break) and I found myself dating another girl (M) and having fairly enjoyable sex with her. This was to become my wife and I never actually revealed to her that I had been very sexually active with other men. I was deeply in love with M and she was deeply in love with me, so we decided to get married. At our engagement party, my father ALMOST outed me when he began to blurt out, "Have you discussed about Dr. ..." I stopped the conversation as quickly as possible and excused us from my fiancee and took my father aside and said, "Dad, what I say to her, and when I say it and the words I choose to use will be between me and her and I don't want you to discuss it until I let you know that it's ok!" And he agreed and nothing further was said about it and I breathed a sigh of relief for the moment. I truly felt that I would get around to it when it became appropriate (and once I felt that the information would not be counterproductive to my intention to remain married to her.)

So the ex-fiancee went on to marry another guy who has become a successful lawyer and they had 3 kids and one of them, I suspect, was named after me. There's still some sweetness and affection between us and I'm very happy that she has had a good life. My ex-wife, on the other hand, has spent decades in a state of anger and bitterness toward me. I never really understood how any person could repeat the mantra: "You ruined my life" for over twenty years, but she did it! I believe that there are many more enlightened approaches to life than that, but she is fully in charge of her own life and I wish her well, too.

What is the moral of the story? Guys, don't do this to women. If you're gay or "bisexual", I recommend that you level with them early in the relationship and build a friendship. This way, you can see if she really has the willingness to be the 'Grace' to your 'Will'

What's your assignment?

2005-04-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

My assignment is my GAYNESS! Gay is a major aspect of my life and I am blessed to have it and to share it and to offer encouragement to others who wonder whether it is a good thing or a bad thing.

TESTIFY! Gratitude for Gayness

I was talking to a friend of mine today. We were talking about my project which is to earn my Doctorate in Spiritual Science. What is Spiritual Science? It's a good idea for me to explain what that's about. At first blush, it seems like an oxymoron, but here goes. We take a spirutal concept and to apply it to our lives and to measure, using SCIENTIFIC methods, the positive shift. Once we observe it working for us, the next step is to devise a repeatability study and to enlist the cooperation of some friends (some can be those who already accept the premise that spirituality has validity in their lives but some of our test subjects must be relatively new to the concepts -- a neophyte -- a sincere skeptic -- someone who might have some doubts about this whole thing! And then, I write my Treatise about that and ultimately I will have earned my Doctorate in Spiritual Science (D.S.S.) I've been studying this for a number of years so far.

As I described this to my friend, I used the example of applying the spirutal concepts of GRATITUDE (counting one's blessings) and ACCEPTANCE to the awareness of one's gayness. That certainly continues to be a source of great upliftment in my life. And I elaborated by suggesting that it could apply to ANY aspect of one's life just as well. So my friend asked me, "What about my FAT?" Well, I didn't have a good answer for her right away because I don't necessarily agree that the acceptance of one's fat is a universal goal. So I went inside (spiritual exercises - an active form of meditation) and asked for some wisdom for a valid response that virtually ANYONE might use.

I found a difference! Gayness is a condition of life. It is a factor that can plague or menace one's life and it is also a factor that is unchangeable. (Feel free to engage me over THAT assertion... I'm ready for that!) On the other hand, the notion of "fat" gave me an image of slop on a plate.

Glop on a Plate
You would be holding a nice plate and, as you go through the lunch line, a huge mass of heavy stuff is glopped onto your plate. It sits there, perhaps quivering but it just seems like a heavy load on your plate (huge and daunting pile of mashed potatoes, above, represents excess weight).

But that's NOT how I experience gayness. Gayness, as I've suggested, is the INNER GYROSCOPE which is perpetually guiding each individual in a direction. We can oppose the direction of that inner gyroscope at our peril but that seems like a very different image from the big wad of corpulence. The similarity is that both are issues... but whether the issues are sitting there (glop) or a part of our daily lives and our activities and our inspirations is really what this is about.

Here's the way I can suggest applying GRATITUDE to both matters.
1) Recognize that we are each on a path and that our Creator has given us lessons in life. How can we approach these lessons?
2) My suggestion is to find ACCEPTANCE and GRATITUDE for the LESSONS that come with each step in life.

One might say, "WOW! God cares so much about ME that HE gave me this lesson. THANK YOU! I'll do my best with it!" This way, gayness can be embraced with gratitude and fat can be embraced with gratitude. The important thing to remember is that WHO WE ARE is not our gayness nor our fat nor our occupation nor our religion nor our gender nor our clothing nor our health. Each one of these things is a condition and each condition is a blessing from above. It's like our ASSIGNMENT! We may have been waiting for an assignment and this is it. When I was a child, I remember being BORED. Well, now that I have an assignment, I am no longer bored. Instead, I'm engaged and GRATEFUL to be on purpose with this lesson which is my path toward my own divinity. Whatever I do with my assignment, whether I take the right treatment plan or the wrong treatment plan, at least I'm doing something about it and I will eventually find the right direction to go. But doing something and taking the steps toward embracing my assignment with gratitude will lead me where I want to go.

Thanks anyway, but I don't look good in hats

2005-04-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

Now that John Paul II is dead, it's time to consider who shall replace him.

If I'm going to be the new Pope, things will be done quite differently in the Vatican and around the world. First of all, the secrecy afforded to rampant pedophilia in the seminaries and rectories will be ended and all pedophiles will be ousted from the priesthood. And the loss of priests will be replenished because my new papal decree will encourage normal, God-given, sexuality among consenting adults including marriage for any two people who elect to enshrine their love as a marriage. This includes conventional marriage and same-sex marriage. Since the sex is happening anyway, the time is right to start the Church on a path of honesty and integrity, so mandatory celibacy will be removed as a requirement. It can be elected but it will not be compulsory.

My next encyclical will be to all believers to accept your gay and lesbian children and to embrace them as part of the Church family and their own personal families without rancor or recrimination. The Church will henceforth embrace people with AIDS the same way it embraces others who are dealing with any other diseases and Catholic hospitals will be a friendly and loving place for all people with all maladies without judgment. Just as Jesus taught us to accept and to judge not and to love each other as He loved us, we will mold the Church to behave with that philosophy.

Well, so much for my first day as Pope. Let's see if the College of Cardinals gives me the majority of the votes. Most of those guys (except for the pedophiles among them) are gay, anyway.

Hmm, I suppose I had to be a Cardinal first. Well, consider this -- I grew up in St. Louis and I was a huge Cardinal FAN for most of my childhood. I have all of the caps and other Cardinal paraphernalia,

so I'm practically a Cardinal anyway! I'm ready to ascend to the Throne of St. Peter!

Good bye Terri, we hardly knew ye...

2005-03-24T10:48:00.000-08:00

The GOP actually does NOT know ye, Terri! But this grandstanding is pretty obnoxious! Her husband is in a very unenviable position. He will now have the stigma of being an unpopular "killer" or even a "murderer" once she dies.

If this case hadn't gotten famous, it could have been his private grief and he would be able to get on with his life in peace. Even though the Supreme Court announced that they won't intervene, the husband is still going to be the target of jeers wherever he goes for the next few years. The nicer thing would be to give him condolences but the Christian extremists won't. They'll give him judgmental cat-calls.

How ironic it is that the Republicans are desperately searching for an "ACTIVIST JUDGE"!

We can't fück it up!

2005-03-20T18:49:00.000-08:00

Steve and I have been assisting in the Insight Pride Seminars
click here to view www.insightpride.com
(as I mentioned in my Oct. 17, 2004 blog). There's an advanced one (Insight 2 Pride) coming up April 20-24, 2005, and I had something really special I wanted to share about my experience of assisting with these seminars. The first day we had an assistants' meeting, the facilitator came in and told us, "Some of you have expressed some concern that you might make a mistake and you have the fear that your mistake could ruin the experience for the people in the seminar in some way. Well, let me reassure you that every mistake HAS ALREADY BEEN MADE and there is no way anybody can fück up this seminar!" Honestly, it was very reassuring for him to say that to us and I felt much better after he said that.

But what really touches me is that it's true about life. When we're on a path and have the intention to live a good life, it's really true that there is no way we can fück up our lives, either. Oh sure, there are good people who have their victim stories and we all have our karma, but whatever goes wrong in our lives could be seen as an opportunity for learning and growth if we have the wisdom to see it that way. We could embrace these challenges with gratitude for another great lesson, (thanks for bringing it forward -- it will keep me focused on making my life better in every way)! I think I'm going to adopt that as a new motto... THERE IS NO WAY I CAN FÜCK UP MY LIFE - IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER! Although I am open to the possibility that it may need to be modified a bit, I intend to keep this motto and see what happens. I truly do believe that it will remain true and keep getting more true with time.

Wealth & fame buys you a get-out-of-jail-free card (usually).

2005-03-17T13:46:00.000-08:00

I felt a twinge of sadness that Scott Peterson is going to death row. I thought he would be fun to have as a cell mate... especially with that cute goatee and moustache he grew. But killing the wife and baby is pretty sick and maybe sodomizing Scott Peterson would be too good for him. Peterson was not a wealthy guy and his ordinariness may have played a small role in his conviction. I know that's pretty radical to say, but let me explain by taking on the subject of the NON-ordinary folks.

Sodomize THIS!

Let's look at today's verdict for Robert Blake. He seems to have gotten away with the perfect crime. His fist-to-hand gesture upon his acquittal seemed more like a competitive sports gesture made at the time of achieving the winning score rather than an expression of relief at having the risk of life-confinement removed. I can't imagine the people in their homes cowering in fear of the bombs (dropped from airplanes over their cities) to react that way upon the sounding of the all-clear sirens. But Blake was given the right to go ahead and live his life and the legal jeopardy has now been removed.

I'm going to Disneyland!

I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you have enough fame and money, you can get away with murder. O.J. Simpson had enough to get away with TWO murders. I figure Roseanne Barr could kill Tom Arnold and get away with it, too. And based on dollars and cents, Oprah Winfrey could assassinate an entire STADIUM (with malice aforethought) and say "oops!" and get away with it, too!

By this standard, I predict that Michael Jackson will evade a conviction in his trial and I really don't know how wealthy Phil Specter is, but he has fame and it would seem that he'll prevail, too, if he doesn't run out of money before the end of his trial.

And then there's Kobe Bryant whose wealth and fame undoubtedly played a huge role in his trial in Golden, Colorado. Of course he gets a get-out-of-jail-free card because he has to get back to work for the Lakers.

The big surprise to me was the conviction of Martha Stewart. But everybody seems to agree that she had a smug attitude and she was not as appealing to the jury as these other folks I've mentioned. Plus, she made a fortune during her few months' stay at Camp Cupcake! She seems to be the exception that proves the rule.

Don't you DARE convict me!

Does wealth and fame save the steroid abusers who are being called before the Senate Committee? I suggest that none of those guys is going to be punished, either.

Enjoying the Fiesta

2005-02-02T22:14:00.000-08:00

Fiesta de los Osos in Tucson. I hope to figure out how to post the pictures here soon. Meanwhile, check out my pictures here: http://photos.yahoo.com/alanandsteve and click Tucson-Fiesta to see them all!

I'm back

2005-02-01T13:11:00.000-08:00

You might have noticed that there hasn't been a post since on this blog since the November, 2004 elections. Well, my mother always taught me that if you can't say something nice, don't say it. Clearly, I don't do everything my mother taught me (or else I'd still be married and living with my ex-wife and child(ren) in the conservative Midwest). But NO, I've escaped to the "blue state" of California and I honor my mother on negotiated terms. Fortunately, she votes pretty much the same way I do. And, for what it's worth, my wonderfully-supportive son tends to vote like I do, too.

I am writing to announce that I've finally returned to active blogging here. You can see my light-hearted and community-minded blog at http://www.livejournal.com/users/hishusbear
which will inform anyone who is interested what I've been doing over the past few months. I intend to maintain both blogs. They have slightly different goals. This one is spiritual, political and ideological while the other is social and casual and may tend to feature some age-sensitive content.

Getting back to Gay Hearts!!!

2004-10-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

The topic has veered a bit during an election year but it's a lovely point of reference for a man like me to share with everyone the joy of celebrating our 25th Anniversary with my lawfully wedded husband! As a reminder, I'd like to encourage you to view our wedding pictures from Canada at http://photos.yahoo.com/alanandsteve and click "Canada-Wedding" and also, I'd like to encourage you to view our other wedding that was in the USA in San Francisco at http://www.imageevent.com/alanandsteve

That second one was shown on local television to our surprise!

The anniversary, itself, is certainly a milestone, but it represents a great deal of work and cooperation and the investment of loving energy to make things work. And it WORKS! We realized that, in addition to exchanging gifts and affections, we would send a card to the man who introduced us on October 16, 1979. That man is none other than Mark Segal, the publisher of the Philadelphia Gay News! You'll be getting our card, but meanwhile, blessings to you, dear friend!

Steve and I met in October and had a wonderful connection and then, very soon into the relationship, Steve realized that I was a bit hard to communicate with, so he urged me to enrol in the upcoming Insight Transformational Seminar in January, 1980. I would have to say that Insight is probably the biggest reason that our relationship works so beautifully! If you would like to join us in an ALL-GAY (& LESBIAN) version of the Insight Seminar, Steve and I are volunteering to help bring forward the second INSIGHT PRIDE http://www.insightpride.com and you are invited whether you are single or in a relationship and alone or together. The value of this event is beyond words, but read up on it and let us know if you'd like more info.

Playing the "humiliation card"

2004-10-15T13:33:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Lynne Cheney and George H. W. Bush pronounced Kerry to be "a bad man" for mentioning that Cheney's daughter, Mary, is a Lesbian. (AS IF Mary Cheney has not been on the front cover of national news magazines proclaiming her lesbianism!)

As far as I'm concerned, Lynne Cheney is "a bad woman" and George H. W. Bush is "a bad man" for failing to watch the Cheney-Edwards debate in which Dick Cheney took pride and acted boldly in the discussion of his daughter's lesbianism as it has been in this campaign for a long time! Mrs. Cheney and the elder Bush should both be ashamed to admit that they failed to watch that debate!

This game of playing the "humiliation card" is pathetic! Families have gay relatives and it is common knowledge. Once it is known (and it needs to be known everywhere and by everyone), the non-gays in the families are forever inelligible to play the humiliation card in any public setting. This posturing to make the subject of homosexuality extremely marginalized and terrifying for the general public to use is part of the reason that gays are fighting these battles in the first place.

How DARE the Bushes and the Cheneys try to paint Kerry with that brush! They are evil and if Bush manages to stay in power, it will only get WORSE in the next four years!

I've lost patience with my ill-informed chat buddies!

2004-10-13T01:01:00.000-07:00

I'm absolutely INCENSED at a gay buddy from a gay chat system who is expressing hesitation about voting for Kerry. I want to blast him but I've decided, instead, to write a very pointed entry into my blog. Instead of answering him directly on the chat system, I'm simply going to refer him to this blog entry. But the bottom line is that I'm sad that I've invested some of my heart, some of my caring, some of my friendship, and all that goes with it into a person who presents himself as being short-sighted and dimwitted!

In the course of the conversation about politics, I told him this:

There isn't ONE Democratic Senator who wouldn't make a fine replacement for this buffoon President. I'd campaign for ANY of them without reservation because it is THAT important to get this imbecile out! Why do you contend that Kerry is uniquely disqualified?

He responded:
What does Kerry stand for? He wants to raise taxes for people he considers rich. Does that include him and his wife? We have this mess in Iraq, are we just gonna walk away? He wants us to believe that, but can we? His ideas seem unrealistic.

At this point, the response is mine:
If you aren’t paying attention, it’s useless to dialog with you. Kerry said he’d eliminate the tax breaks for the filthy rich and you bet your ass that includes him and his wife. It also includes Bush and Cheney and their Halliburton cronies and the oil millionaires who benefit from Bush’s policies. It’s hard to have compassion for them, but since you brought it up, it bears answering.

Bush created this unnecessary “mess in Iraq” and Kerry has said that we have to stabilize Iraq, but we DON’T need to suffer 90% of the casualties or pay 90% of the costs just because Bush is an arrogant prick who wants to keep his Halliburton cronies rich and happy! The difference is that Kerry believes in using friendly diplomacy rather than bribery and extortion. The peace needs to be settled by the Europeans who would have a vested interest in rebuilding Iraq and risking their armies considering that much of their fuel comes from Iraq. Not very much of OURS has come from Iraq, historically. But if we keep out the Euro countries from the rebuilding (as Bush has intentioned) then we will continue to bear the cost and the casualties almost alone!

We have a problem being gay and being lukewarm to any candidate who might replace Bush. Bush is the first president in history who has suggested changing the US Constitution (a document that I hold sacred) to begin DISCRIMINATING AGAINST a group of people – GAYS! This is tantamount to a declaration of war against gays. Any gay who supports Bush knowing this has to be a self-hating gay because he is virtually agreeing that we deserve to be singled out for discrimination by our Constitution. If we say that there is little chance that the amendment would pass, we are like a minority of Jews who supported Hitler saying that his proposals to exterminate the Jews would never be carried out! As one gay person to another, I say, there is no justification for endorsing another 4 years of George W. Bush in the White House.

Assuming we are in agreement that Bush is a moron who MUST be removed from the White House and you have implied that Kerry is "the lesser of two evils" or you have suggested, "but I'm not sure he's qualified" or you have any other misgivings about Kerry, there is something I want to say to you.

Who is going to be President if Bush is defeated? The answer has to be someone who is intelligent and knowledgeable and qualified to take over as President. That cannot be a Republican because all Republicans, today, are backing Bush's "re-election". (I put quotation marks around the word because he was never "elected" in the first place -- he was APPOINTED by the US Supreme Court. But I digress.)

By the process of elimination, it has to be a Democrat regardless of how you feel toward Democrats. That is the only party that has people willing to stand up to this buffoon in the White House and tell him TO HIS FACE that he is not fit to hold this office and that his administration has nearly bankrupted this country and destroyed our Constitution. If you don't think it has to be a Democrat, then you might be one of those clueless morons who think that you could help to get rid of Bush by casting a vote for some third party candidate.

If you are still undecided, it's quite late to start examining the various candidates to see who might be the VERY BEST choice for president to replace Bush. Any Senator, Governor or Congressman might be qualified to step in to the White House and be the next leader of the Free World. But this selection process has already been done and Kerry has been selected as one of the FINEST senators in the government today. There is not a damn thing wrong with him except that, over the decades, he has grown and adjusted his political views just as any intelligent and thoughtful person might do.

It shouldn't be necessary to respond to the Republican's baseless smears but the fact that Kerry trusted the President who asked for the Senate's support to have the authority to invade Iraq was NOT a Carte Blanche to begin that invasion without valid justification. So when Bush used that vote to prove that the US wanted to INVADE, he was way out of bounds of decency and way out of touch with the attitudes of the American people at the time.

Bush has committed several serious frauds in his administrations effort to remain in power. I have NO PATIENCE with people who support him and even less with GAY people who hesitate to back his opponent with enthusiasm.

I could go but I’ve lost interest in struggling to retain friendships with chat buddies who don’t see how serious all this is. You were motivated to write to me in chat because you were attracted to an image. Well, all I can say at this point is that this smiling face is not smiling for YOU anymore – at least until you wise up!

Advice for Kerry

2004-09-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

An Open Letter to Senator John Kerry about the answers I would like to hear you give to George W. Bush:

If George suggests that you (Kerry) "waffled", "changed his mind" or "flip-flopped", I would love to hear you respond as follows:

Did I "waffle"?
Did I change my mind?
Did I "flip-flop"?
Senators of good faith must support our President UNTIL our President is shown to be LYING. Then NOT changing direction would have been a far more serious offense to our country than continuing to back "the big lie".

Since you KNEW there were no weapons of mass destruction and you KNEW there was no link between Al Qaeda and Sadaam, you didn't "flip-flop" on your war in Iraq but you did become DIABOLICAL in your deceit. How DARE you accuse me of "flip-flopping" when your unilateral invasion was done under FALSE PRETENSES. YOU are the one who should be explaining yourself to the American people and apologizing to appeal for voter support, not I.

I refuse to use the word "re-election" with you, George, because you never WERE elected! And because you have commanded the military with BAD FAITH, the American People now must EVICT you from our White House. The White House was never given to you as a base for extremists.

I refuse to sit back and let you pretend that you have always put our country FIRST when I went to war while you were taking advantage of your privileged deferrments and placement. I put my country FIRST and you put your PRIVILEGE first.

The Halliburtons and the big oil companies are given great freedom to operate in Iraq while our troops are dying every day. This is not the way to win consensus with the nations of the world. If we want their help, we must be honest and forthright with them and then they will step forward VOLUNTARILY with determination to bring peace to the region because it will ultimately be THEIR oil and THEIR friendship with the new Iraqi democracy. We can't blackmail these countries to force them to commit troops. Coalition partners like Angola, Ukraine and Tonga... oh, excuse me, TONGA backed out! ...that's the kind of alliances you have built with your "unilateral war". So don't you DARE accuse me of "flip-flopping" while you are leading our nation and the world down this very dark path!

And is the world safer without Sadaam Hussein? How safe is the world with North Korea having nuclear weapons? We don't hear that refrain from this White House because the oil companies and Halliburton wouldn't benefit that much if we were to neutralize the other rogue nations in this dangerous world.

Let's leave it to the religious leaders to cast the judgment of "evil" in this world. Presidents have a responsibility to lead, not be the arbiter of "good and evil". We can present the honest evidence and let the Congress determine whether or not to declare war. That is what the Constitution provides. When Congress agreed with Roosevelt that the "Day of Infamy" had occurred on December 7, 1941, that was the United States of American in one of its finest moments. But our "Day of Infamy" was September 11, 2001 and our war on terrorism needed to start with Bin Laden and Al Qaeda rather than with dishonest linkage to the former Iraqi dictator.

Furthermore, the terrorists of 9/11 were trained in Saudi Arabia and we do not need a President who is afraid to speak forthrightly with his Saudi friends about stopping the terrorists from using their country as a base for these attacks. If you are so chummy with the Saudi's, maybe it's about time that YOU did a little "flip-flopping" of your own so that we can mount a TRUE war against terrorism and tell our Saudi allies to enforce against such things or else other, more powerful governments may be needed to bring stability, security and peace to the world. This is not a job for a cowboy mentality. This is the job for an honest and powerful leader who can deal with friends and foes in an atmosphere of respect and trust.

Success in life is measured by how much LOVE you gave & received

2004-09-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

Of all the members of my family in my generations including siblings and first cousins, I'm the only one who is gay. Of the next generation, there are no known gays. In my life, I was performing heterosexually for 5% of my life-to-date (# of years dating and married to a female divided by my age) compared to 93% of my sexually-active years performing homosexually (# of years since my first sex act minus the brief period during which I dated and married a female until our divorce). Considering that my exposure to heterosexuality was extremely brief, I find it highly IRONIC that my son might soon be the ONLY family member to produce grandchildren for my generation!

There was a time... ...a brief time...

I was tempted to guestimate the "inches" I've ingested since I had my first gay sex partner, but calculating it based upon years seems to be a satisfactory way to underscore this irony.

I'm very proud of my son for being successful in his career and I congratulate him on his impending marriage (probably sometime early next year). Furthermore, he knows that his natural inclination to be with a woman is valid only if IT IS valid for him! There has never been the slightest push or urging from me to try to influence his sexual orientation. I told him that it is not the domain of the parents to determine or influence the sexual orientation of their children.

Our success as human beings is measured by the amount of loving that has flowed through our hearts during our lives. Thus, what gives me the greatest joy is to be able to announce that my son truly LOVES someone and evidently, she loves him, too.

Choosing a Life STYLE

2004-07-09T16:29:00.000-07:00

It is painful for many gay people to see the word "lifestyle" used as a code for gay because it implies that there is a style to adopt just like putting on a new article of clothing or adopting a hairstyle. Even sadder is the truth that some people do navigate their lives in and out of the closet whenever it is convenient to do so. Married gay guys generally live in denial until they have an opportunity to be out, exclusively, with their gay friends.

While it is true that we can choose to PRETEND to be attracted to the opposite sex and we can say the words and walk the walk of the heterosexual, it is also true that our innate inclinations are something we did not choose.

Therefore, the choice is ours. If our inclinations are to be gay, we can choose to live in the integrity of the core of our beings or we can live in denial, repression, suppression and self-loathing in an effort to avoid the perceived rejections from the people around us. If you look at the people who MIGHT judge us, you might just realize that the most intimidating judges can be OURSELVES.

Choose wisely.

Hookups via profiles without pictures

2004-06-13T13:56:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this to encourage my gay brothers to be more willing to put themselves out and take the risks to reach out to each other more effectively.

This is my response to a letter from a stranger asking to hookup with me:

{{Thanks for the greeting. I viewed your profile. Ordinarily, I don't view profiles without pictures but since you wrote, I thought it would be nice to read up. There's flag on the page so it wasn't completely devoid of graphics. ;) But if something about MY profile attracted you, I'm guessing it was my picture and I am flattered. If I'm wrong to think that it was only my picture that inspired you to write me, I hope you'll tell me that you would have been JUST as enthusiastic to write to me if I, like you, had omitted my photo (and perhaps I will believe it).

It is my observation that
profiles with photos put us in the category of "players" and if you don't include a photo, you're not really a "player". While it's nice to admire the players, it's quite another thing to expect the players to admire you back. When Tom Brokaw says, "I'll see you tomorrow night," he really doesn't expect to "see" anyone but a glass TV-camera lens if you catch my drift.

Thanks for the mail. If you care to respond (with or without a photo), please let me know what you think we might have in common, and "I'll see you tomorrow night."}}

Before signing off on this pet peeve of mine, I thought I'd grumble further about profiles which are COMPLETELY EMPTY. But these people still feel compelled to say "HI" to me. Once I've taken the time to check out their profile, if I don't delete their messages out of hand, I typically snap back...

In response to the blank Yahoo profiles:
{{Want to see something really disgusting? Check this person out: http://profiles.yahoo.com/yournickname (substituting THEIR Yahoo ID) You don't know if it's male or female, adult or child and I'm sure you wouldn't want to be friends with such a person, either. In this world of spam, I protect myself from idiots like this person. You would be wise to do the same.}}

To others:
{{There is nothing in your profile to indicate that you have anything in common with me. Access denied.}}

Teflon corpse

2004-06-07T10:36:00.000-07:00

Reagan's canonization will probably make him a "teflon corpse", too. His "benign neglect" of the AIDS crisis was pivotally responsible for the deaths of hundreds of our closest personal friends.

Besides his neglect of the AIDS crisis and diabolical scape-goating of the Gay Community, his "plausible deniability" of the Iran-Contra fiasco and his blatant manipulation of the Iran hostage crisis when he came into office will all be quickly swept under the rug. The departure of those hostages from Iran at the moment that Carter's plane departed from Washington is errily similar to the way GW Bush has been timing and managing the war news from Afghanistan and Iraq for his administration's political gain!

Rush Limbaugh is a bleating disciple of Reagan's arrogance. And Reagan taught all subsequent Presidents that leadership only needs to be smoke & mirrors & showmanship. When GHW Bush said "READ MY LIPS - NO NEW TAXES" he was attempting to play Reagan (but fortunately, the voters saw through that act). Reagan's "evil empire" comment was obviously reprised as the "axis of evil" comment by GW Bush.

Closer to home for me was the pain watching Reagan as a father stuff Ron, Jr.'s truth into the closet. If anyone wants to know about an "evil empire" all they need to do is imagine what it would be like to be the dancer son of a conservative politician. I remember the day that the Joffrey's press spokesperson made the preposterous announcement that "there are no homosexuals in the Joffrey Ballet".

The way Reagan's former detractors are gushing over him now is making me nervous.

Friend, buddy, confidant, lunch pal

2004-06-06T22:59:00.000-07:00

I love to make new friends. Sometimes, my friends want to love me or to have me as their lover. That's when I remind them that they can be my friend, buddy, confident or lunch pal (many relationships also permit 3-ways or outside f*ck buddies , too) but, at the end of the day, I'm in my primary relationship with Steve and I know he feels the same way about me! I don't have any jealousy about his friendships and he doesn't have any about mine.

One of the secrets to the success of the loving relationship that I have with Steve is that I enjoy and admire the things he loves and he enjoys and admires the things I love. The reason this is important to the success of our relationship is that we both love our own lives and we both have a lot of self-esteem. When I look at Steve and see him loving his life and I admire how he loves what he does. When he looks at me, he sees me loving my life and he admires how I love what I do. How's that different from some unsuccessful relationships? Here's a thought. Sometimes, guys forget to appreciate themselves and jump strictly to the idol worship. That's not helpful to a relationship. When a guy is so in love with his partner that he forgets to love and appreciate himself and his own life, he becomes a sychophant and, after an extended period of time, the partner on the pedestal is going to get tired of his worshipper and the relationship is doomed.

Remedy: Keep your own life in order... keep your own interests... love what you do and everything that you are. If you need some support from your lover, that's fine, but give him something to admire from time-to-time, too. Remember to BE ADMIRABLE and find your self-esteem and all of this can contribute to a happy life together without jealousy.

Same sex marriage TWICE

2004-06-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

Alan offers another introductory post to give more flavor to this blog. I've published plenty over the years about our relationship. Steve and I have had the good fortune to be among the few legally married gay couples in the world at this time in history. We went to Victoria, BC, Canada in August, 2003, just when they began permitting same-sex marriages. Since we were there, we decided to invite our friends (mostly non-gay) to join us for a relatively short-notice wedding ceremony for the two of us.

See our Canada wedding pictures CLICK HERE

As good fortune would have it, we were also blessed to be in San Francisco over the Valentines Day weekend when Mayor Gavin Newsom announced that they would be issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples there, too. We had just checked into the hotel for the International Bear Rendezvous weekend event and we turned on CNN while we were changing from our traveling clothes to our lobby-cruising clothes when the news came on the television. We looked at each other and immediately agreed that it is OUR country and OUR state and we were there and there are NO ACCIDENTS and we couldn't turn this opportunity down. But WHERE is San Francisco City Hall, we wondered. It couldn't be too far and we can take a taxi. Scrambling for a map of the city, I found City Hall. It was right around the corner from the Ramada Inn (9th & Market) where we were staying! Forget the taxi, we could WALK!

Soon, wearing our finest matching pair of bear t-shirts, with a couple of our bear friends in tow, we made our way to City Hall, stood in line for four hours as the line snaked through the hallways of the building and ultimately exchanged our vows once again.

See our San Francisco wedding pictures CLICK HERE

Please enjoy our photo albums and come back and visit us often.

Open your hearts

2004-06-06T15:06:00.000-07:00

My heart is open and I am loving more in my life than before as I begin this blog with my first message.

I want to invite everyone to join me on Wednesday night, June 23, 2004 for the first Insight Pride Seminar. I'm going to be there and I've been working for many months to bring this event to happen. Here's the link if you would like to see it. Note that it is TWO clicks to get there. The first click is www.insightseminars.org
and the second click is on the little rainbow button that says "INSIGHT PRIDE".

Please visit me often as my commentary varies as does my homepage which I will reference frequently in coming posts.

Love and hugs to one and all from your new blogger friend, Alan